Track 6: A Plus-size Pregnancy →
While we were trying to get pregnant, someone asked me when we were going to have kids. We were very private about being unsuccessful, so I remember saying something like, "Right now, I'm just too big to be pregnant." I have no clue why I blurted that out!
Must've just been a bad day, because I definitely wasn't trying to shed any pounds, and as a plus-size woman, I am comfortable in my skin. Much of that is thanks to who I was in my younger years, but most of it is thanks to who I married. If there's anyone who loves his wife like Jesus loved His Church, it's my Paul. Hopefully there's many many more like him out there. I catch him staring at me and he responds, "I can't believe I'm married to you!" or "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
The other day I overheard him on the phone. He said, "Oh, she was glowing the day I first laid eyes on her!" He later told me his brother asked if I had the pregnancy glow yet.
I feel so loved – and so beautiful. In a God-confident way.
Rewind to years ago…and it definitely wasn't God-confidence. My family actually jokes about me being a little too confident in my younger years. My brother-in-law still teases me about a conversation we all had when he was dating my sister – I was bragging about having "the most perfect back." He also likes to remind me about the time I performed an entire cheerleading dance routine, solo, with music, in front of him…the first time I met him. We laugh now!
My sister has also always built-up my confidence, frequently complimenting my legs, nose, chin, eyes…and beyond physical attributes, just everything I do. To this day, she makes me feel so beautiful.
Plus, when you have enough hair for two or three people, you get a lot of (mostly positive) feedback.
So as an adult, and a plus-size woman, I know I am well loved just the way I am. I feel like I know how to dress my body-type. I know I like keeping as much of the hair God gave me on my head. I know my husband finds me incredibly attractive.
Flash forward to my plus-size pregnant body. I didn't gain a pound the first three months. In fact, I lost weight. Though I didn’t feel like it. I had extreme morning sickness from about five or six weeks until I reached the second trimester.
"Could there be twins in there?" we often thought! My first doctor appointment confirmed that was not the case and we even got some laughs for saying we were experiencing "double the symptoms." :)
But now here I am. And enters the weight. The stretch marks. The fact that zero hairs are leaving my head (frizz, tangles, rats - oh my!) and I have to cut my fingernails every other day. The new and very different blemishes on my face. The swollen feet, even if I haven't done much walking. The back pain. The struggle to get comfortable in bed. Actually, make that the lack of sleep because I'm in the bathroom every couple of hours…
I know this isn't really what this scripture is about, but I find comfort in it anyway:
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
I find comfort in my quiet time with our great God when all I can do is shed tears of joy thinking about what's to come.
And I need that time when I've heard strangers (and friends) ask if there are TWO babies growing inside of me! I was warned by more than one (non-plus-size) mom that comments would be coming and to brush them off… But I really didn't expect to be asked if I was absolutely sure there weren't two babies in my tummy, since I was only so many months along.
“The Lord is my strength and my shield.”
I need the time with God when other people insist that my due date must be wrong, suggesting I'll go months earlier. (Yes, I'm so serious!)
I crave that alone time with Him when people tell me I have such a long way to go, or that I surely haven't yet experienced being uncomfortable sleeping, sitting or walking.
“Under His wings you will find refuge.”
A pregnant friend just said to me, "You don't have much longer now!" And I was thanking God. I wanted to squeeze her and never let go. It was just what I needed.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
I'm not writing to complain. Someone close to me had it way worse as far as the rude comments go, and she definitely didn't have a plus-size pregnancy. I'm not sharing to tell people to think before they speak. I'm writing to hopefully encourage any plus-size woman who stumbles upon our blog: Embrace your beautiful plus-size pregnancy. It will be the most beautiful time in your life, stretch marks, swollen feet and all. You are growing God's creation! Find a doctor who treats you like she treats her 130-pound patients. It seems like almost all my questions during the first couple appointments were about "being overweight" during pregnancy, yet I'm healthy and baby is doing well.
Did I mention I waited to tell my doctor that I was exactly ten pounds when I was born? I saved that for the second trimester. Now we pray our daughter remains her average-size in the womb and doesn't cook too long! My mom reminds me I went straight into a 12-month outfit and we already have 0-6 months baby clothing...
My feet and I are counting down the days and they're starting to move extremely fast – the days, not my feet. Her feet are the ones that move quickly. I'm going to miss feeling them inside me! She is a dancer, our little one, which a friend said makes complete sense since we're singing and playing guitars around her frequently.
Now that was a plus-size comment that warmed my heart.
Dress: Hello Holiday
I AM HIS art: House of Belonging
Macramé lantern / baby mobile: CHANTEKbyMasita