Track 8: Adopting Fidelity Fences

Earlier this year, I shared about our "fidelity fences" in my women's group. I knew that I had shared a particular link on Facebook before, so when I searched my "wall" for it, I discovered the site (Hope Filled Marriage) no longer exists!

You see, the fidelity fences Paul and I adopted about a year after getting married were actually the fidelity fences of the late Ty and Terri Schenzel. This couple made a huge impact on thousands of lives (including mine). Most notably, for me, I surrendered my life to the Lord at their memorial in 2015.

While their Hope Filled Marriage website doesn't exist anymore, both Ty and Terri wrote about their fidelity fences on two other sites, which I've found are still live today: Ty on the Waypoint Church blog and Terri on her personal site TerriSchenzel.com.

Because we essentially adopted almost all of theirs, I wanted to share them with you. I pray that these encourage a couple who lands on this page! And please click the links above to read Ty and Terri share the importance of their fidelity fences in their own beautiful words. I love the blog post title Terri chose: Healthy Boundaries for a Healthy Marriage.

She defined fidelity fences as "agreed upon boundaries and guidelines to protect the marriage from infidelity." She also shared that "sometimes it is what we are NOT talking about as a couple that is most critical."

We treasure our marriage. Seriously, I cannot share that enough! Couples who have been together for decades smile at "newlyweds" like us: Oh, what we have yet to experience! BUT when Christ is at the center of your marriage, you are beyond blessed!!

Ty was so transparent. And we strive to be, too. He said, "I love it that we know we're not above an affair, or 'falling out of love.' This mindset motivates us to keep bringing our 'A' game to our marriage."

So, here they are:

No one-on-one lunch with opposite sex.
No travel with someone of the opposite sex.
No "best friend" of the opposite sex.
Don't discuss "marriage issues" with someone of the opposite sex.
Don't fantasize about another man/woman.
Avoid the appearance of evil (being alone anywhere with someone of the opposite sex).
Do not cultivate a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.
No cross-gender ministry/counseling (no one-on-one music ministry with someone of the opposite sex).
Wisdom regarding social media and entertainment (movies/books).
Deal with "heart issues" toward your spouse (be quick to forgive).
Spouse has complete access to email, cell phone, social media, etc.
Create a BIG VISION for your marriage: Dream so BIG that doing life with anyone else looks repulsive!!

Adopting this many fidelity fences might seem like way too much to you! That's OK! Create your own. Like I said, we borrowed many of the Schenzel's 16, and I think they'd be so pleased to know it!

It is the ultimate compliment when a wife, husband, couple or single person tells us how much they admire our marriage. It's easy when you apply #10 above daily! Just like we do with God: keep your accounts short.

It also helps when your husband loves to make up songs about you every day... (If your spouse isn't a singer, I recommend sticky love notes. They work well on bathroom mirrors, inside closets, on steering wheels, in work bags...you name it!)

Photo by Lou somewhere near the Agate Fossil Beds.